do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
