I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
