Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
