remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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