So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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