you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
