im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
