i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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