The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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