I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
