Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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