At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't deserve a penis
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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