you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
