Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
