Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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