Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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