I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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