So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
