So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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