Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
