what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A+ Viking dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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