I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
