You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
