I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
