haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
