new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
