I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
