Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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