So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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