she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize