Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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