The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
