I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
