True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
