i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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