i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
