Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize