Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
