3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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