i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
