God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
