whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
