I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
