Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
