"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
