i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
