Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize