last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
