I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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