just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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