that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
