So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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