You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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