i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
