I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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