Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
