Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
