I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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