At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
