did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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