I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
