So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
