Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
