Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
