My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
