I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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